From Glass Towers to Mud Walls: Lessons in Community
In the glass towers of our cities, we stand alone and tall,
While the mud walls of village, echo the community's call.
Has our strive for individual excellence, left us a lonely soul?
Is it time to break the mold, and seek a broader goal?
These lines echo in my mind as I continue to split my time between my urban home and a rural Indian village. What began as a typical urban professional's visit - armed with notions of helping rural development through technology and finance - has transformed into an ongoing journey of self-discovery and reflection.
Encountering a Different Way of Life
The Web of Unconditional Care
I'm continually struck by the level of communal care I witness in the village. When someone falls ill or needs assistance, the entire community rallies around them - no invitation or request necessary. When I stay in the village, I initially found the neighbors to be extremely nosy. They wanted to know everything! The old lady next door had to know about my entire family - including whether I am happily married, and whether the children are doing well and so on... and she also shared her own life with me with the same level of open sharing. In just a few months of familiarity, I knew all the nitty gritty details of not only her own life but her two daughters and one son, their marriages, children, professions, level of marital happiness or lack thereof. By city standards, this completely demolished any sense of privacy! But then once there was a shortage of water in the village, and she was the first to offer a bucket of water that she had carefully stored for herself.
This automatic response to others' needs makes me acutely aware of my own urban hesitation, where I often prioritize privacy over community involvement. With each visit, I find myself questioning: How many times do I hold back from helping a neighbor, waiting to be asked first? A few days ago, I noticed that the old lady next door was looking unwell, and offered to cook dinner for her. She was pleasantly surprised when I actually took over a freshly cooked meal to her place. I rarely cook even for myself, but this little project left me feeling good for the entire week!
The Rhythm of Shared Experiences
In the village, religious functions, weddings, and even funerals are community affairs. There's no need for formal invitations; participation is seen as a duty and a privilege. I happened to attend a funeral of a person in the village, and the entire village of 300 odd people visited the family and took part in the last rites. Similarly, I attended a wedding recently of a young couple. The ceremony was frugal but the spirit was so full of life.. people from both the groom's and bride's families sat around sharing family stories till late into the night, while the community kitchen kept going for over 48 hours! On both these occasions, one thing that initially dumbfounded me was that the entire village stops work on such days! It sounded to me like the most flimsy excuse for not working.
But I could not help but realize that as I partake in these shared experiences, I felt a sense of belonging that I rarely encounter in my city life. It makes me wonder: When was the last time I felt truly part of something larger than myself in the city?
Confronting My Notions of Success and Wealth
The Individual vs. The Collective
Living part-time in the village is challenging my deeply ingrained urban perspective on success and wealth. I'm realizing how much of my life revolves around personal milestones: career advancements, financial goals, material acquisitions. In contrast, the village views success through a collective lens. An individual's progress is intrinsically tied to the welfare of the community.
This stark difference made me uncomfortable at first. I saw the community's hesitation to encourage individual excellence as a negative trait. But there was more to it than met the eye. Those who were successful and took the community with them were looked up to. One young man named Tushar in the village is a striking example. He is an excellent farmer, owns and drives a rickshaw by day, works as a facilitator for all government formalities for everyone in the village, and in the process has made a good economically sustainable lifestyle for himself. But he has also taken the initiative to campaign for a tar road to the village, arranged for water supply to each home by spending significant time and effort, and is always the first to offer help to anyone needing it. The rest of the villagers just dote on him!
This lead me to question that assumption about the rural society being deprecative of individual excellence. As I spend more time there, I'm beginning to understand that this stems from a deep-seated discomfort with unequal wealth distribution. It's making me question: In my pursuit of personal success, am I neglecting my responsibility to my community?
The Price of Opportunity
I've always prided myself on the vast opportunities available in the city. The competitive atmosphere that drives innovation and wealth creation seemed like an unequivocal good. But here, in this village, I'm seeing a different kind of wealth - one built on strong social connections and mutual support.
Yes, the village lacks the diverse economic opportunities I'm used to. But it excels in creating a sense of belonging that I find increasingly rare in my urban life. It's forcing me to confront an uncomfortable truth: Am I trading meaningful relationships for professional achievements? In my meager efforts at starting a community workshop in the village, I am truly finding a sense of satisfaction that is almost commensurate with the satisfaction I get when solving a really tough technical problem for a customer.
A Personal Crossroads
As I continue to navigate between these two worlds, I find myself at a constant crossroads. The ongoing lessons from the village are sparking deep introspection:
- How do I define success? Can I expand my definition to include not just personal achievements, but also my contributions to those around me?
- What is true wealth? Is it the balance in my bank account, or the strength of my social connections?
- How can I be more present? In the village, people are fully present in each other's lives. How can I lower my guard and allow myself to be more involved in the communities around me?
- Can I find a balance? Is there a way for me to pursue my individual goals while also fostering a sense of collective progress?
- What do I really need? The simplicity of village life is making me question my constant pursuit of more. Can I find contentment with less?
- How can I create community? While I can't replicate village life in the city, can I foster a greater sense of belonging in my own environment?
Moving Forward
As I continue to move between these two worlds, I realize that the true value of this experience lies not in the answers I've found, but in the questions it prompts me to ask. Each return to the city comes with a renewed sense of purpose - to find a personal balance between individual ambition and community responsibility.
I don't expect to transform my urban life into a replica of the village. But perhaps, by carrying these reflections with me, I can create a more fulfilling existence that combines the best of both worlds. Maybe, just maybe, I can find that my true prosperity lies not in the height of the glass towers I inhabit, but in the strength of the bonds I build with those around me.
I have found tremendous joy in rediscovering old school friends with whom I had totally lost touch, and felt a tremendous sense of loss when one of my closest friends lost his life after a struggle with cancer. His story will remain as one of my most inspiring and heart wrenching life stories. After losing my father this year, I reached out to all his friends and rediscovered the amazing life he had led through their eyes, only to find how amazing he had been, while I took him for granted.
These few initial steps towards attempting a more balanced approach to life that combines individual excellence with community service is making life much more interesting. This journey continues, and I look forward to the path of self-discovery that lies ahead, bridging two worlds and seeking a harmony between them.